Mad at Lebron? Hire a Witch Doctor

Seems that some folks in Cleveland are still miffed about Lebron James' exodus to Miami. Namely, one radio host, who thought the best recourse for Lebron's abandonment of the midwest was to hire a witch doctor and place a curse on the NBA All-Star.

Cleveland Radio Host Hires Witch Doc to Curse Lebron James

I'm having difficulty classifying this retaliatory measure. Is it the equivalent of a 4-year-old yelling at his bullying friend, "Well, I'm rubber and you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!" Or is it more akin to the tantrum a 2-year-old throws when his mom takes away his toys because it's bedtime? Yeah, I think the 2-year-old analogy nails it.

However classified, it's got to be one of the most exaggerated forms of passive aggression I've seen in a while. I wonder if the radio host was also sticking his tongue out at a picture of Lebron while the witch doctor performed his ritual? Might as well, for extra emphasis.

Ironically, I actually can't stand Lebron James. I think he's going the way of Michael Jordan, believing every self-inflating word the press and others can heap on him. Maybe instead of a witch doctor, the radio host could put Dr. Phil on retainer for when Lebron's career is over and he is still desperate for the spotlight. (but that would be a nice gesture, wouldn't it...)

I wonder if the radio host actually feels any better. Probably not. Tantrums never produce the initially expected result...

UGH!

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After a 3 Year Break...

So, after 3 years of doing something other than writing regular UGH Report posts, I guess it's time I fire a few off until something else comes up in life to draw me away again.

I might write one post, 10, 100, or just this note saying that I will write something. Regardless, I'm back. (Maybe...)

Now, let me go find some UGH-worthy stories to pick apart.

:)

Breaking News: Politician Accused of Hiding Information!

Not a day goes by anymore without a politician being accused of doing something underhanded. So, it should come as no real surprise that the Democrats are accusing Vice President Cheney of being "too secretive" with various bits of information.

Democrats Attack Cheney for Secrecy (TheGlobeAndMail.com)

I do wonder sometimes if the author of such news articles reviews their writing prior to publishing. One line in this particular news item that got me cross-eyed and chuckling was, "Cheney came under fresh Democratic criticism for secrecy ... as a top lawmaker vowed to investigate his handling of classified national security documents." I thought "classified national security documents" were supposed to be secret. I know, I know. Congress has access, by law, to certain of these documents. But the article never specifically states which documents are in question. It is more of a procedural qualm, apparently.

Personally, the way our politicians are going (which is very similar to watching professional wrestling), I find it hard to trust any of them with these precious "classified" documents. Let's just hope something of our national security stays classified. Otherwise, it won't be long until our country is simply sold to the highest bidder (probably China).

UGH!

Send your UGH-worthy news stories to news@theughreport.com.

Put Me On Standby, Please

This article is really only UGH-worthy because it truly makes you want to wretch - literally. I first heard this report while driving in my car and suddenly felt the need to pull over and breathe in some fresh air; or at least have my feet on the ground.

Problem Revealed From 'Raw Sewage' Overseas Flight (KUTV.com)

I realize that airline companies can't predict every possible problem that could occur on a flight, but this one may need to be examined for future flights. The real irony to this story is that Continental Airlines "took a bath" financially on this intercontinental flight. They just didn't come out too clean on the other end.


I am curious to know what the rubber gloves might have been used for on the flight...

UGH!

Send your UGH-worthy news stories to news@theughreport.com.

Cars That Run On Apple Juice

This is a great little news story from the BBC. They report that in the near future scientists could capture energy from your average run-of-the-mill fruit basket and turn it into a biofuel that could be poured in your car's 'gas' tank. Sounds like a great idea, right?

Fruit Could Make 'Powerful Fuel' (BBC.com)

Unfortunately for all the tree huggers in the world, there's a tiny bit of important information that comes at the very end of this glowing article on alternative energy: cost. It is estimated that it would cost 10 times more to build the necessary production facilities for processing this new fuel than it does to construct current biofuel refineries . So, if I have this straight, we are already spending billions of dollars on current biofuel production plants, but want to praise the new studies that show apples and oranges supplying even cleaner fuels...at a cost 10 times greater than the current expense. Is it just me, or is oil looking a bit more attractive against the backdrop of these kinds of stories?

Call me crazy, but I'm not up for spending $20 a gallon for citrus gas.

UGH!

Send your UGH-worthy news stories to news@theughreport.com.

Now That's A Phallic Fixation!

I slightly cringe to even touch (metaphorically speaking) this next article. While I have no problem commenting on sexual matters, this story crosses into territory that is just downright weird, even twisted. See for yourself.

Stab Victim 'Continued Masturbating' (TheAge.com)

Disturbing, isn't it? So many ways I could comment on this truly UGH-worthy story, but I want to hone in on one character in this report that is barely seen: the judge. Imagine for a moment you are this judge and this particular case is brought before your court. You desperately try not to let your jaw repeatedly drop to the floor as you hear the stranger-than-fiction tale being spun before you. Then all eyes land on you, waiting for your judgment. What do you do?

These types of stories are probably a key factor in why I have no desire to don a judge's robe, for my judgment might leave a stab victim wishing that a puncture wound is the only way a knife would be used against him.

UGH!

Send your UGH-worthy news stories to news@theughreport.com.

The Newton Code

Looks like the fascination with religious history is still escalating (and I'm not complaining). Isaac Newton seems to be the latest historical "great" to be paraded into the fray. Looks like old Sir Isaac was directing his mathematical genius toward calculating the end times.

Manuscript Shows Isaac Newton Calculated Date of Apocalypse (FoxNews.com)

What makes this story "UGH-worthy" is the way in which it is reported. The title makes it appear as if Newton will give the month, day, and year of the apocalypse (maybe right down to the minute). Even in the first section of the article we are told that Newton reveals the "exact date" of the apocalypse. Yet, as always, eventually the truth comes out. All Isaac Newton really "calculated" was a guess that the world wouldn't end before 2060. Nostradamus beware! Looks like Newton might weaken your long standing hold on the all-too-general predictions that a person with an ounce of common sense could surmise.

UGH!

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The 1/10 of a Mile High Club

When I came across this news story I was morbidly humored. I never celebrate the loss of life; it is tragic. But the ways that some people "pass on" is beyond bizarre at times. I can only imagine what this couple's last thought was.

Naked Couple Falls 50 Feet From Rooftop to Their Deaths (FoxNews.com)

If the initial report is true (that the couple was having sex on the roof), what perplexes me most is that two adults could come to the agreeable conclusion that such an activity was deemed sensible.

"Hey, snookums, want to go on the roof of this 5-story building, get naked, and see what happens?"

"Absolutely, sugar bear."

This part of the story, to me, is truly the saddest part...

UGH!

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Code Red: Operation Wristwatch Recovery

Once again, the very finest journalists in the world are displaying their uncanny ability to report on insignificant happenings. The latest such display comes from a recent trip George Bush took to Albania. Seems he might be coming home one wristwatch lighter.

Bush's Watch Disappears In Crowd (CNN.com)

I'm curious how many secret service agents have been assigned to the missing watch. Maybe there is a military deployment in progress to launch "Operation Wristwatch Recovery" (AKA: Rolex Roundup). Seriously, does the president's watch contain top level security information? It's a watch. It tells time. Yet, this inanimate object is garnering more reporter attention than SUV's, which I'm sure will incite some kind of metal-on-crystal rumble in the 'news' reports to come.

UGH!

Send your UGH-worthy news stories to news@theughreport.com.

Angelina Jolie: Crib Raider?

Maybe some of Angelina Jolie's film roles are playing games with her ability to think rationally. As I scroll through the history of Hollywood families in my mind, I am hard pressed to find very many with real success stories of fidelity, closeness, and well-adjusted children. So, it comes as a bit of a sad surprise to me when Jolie comments on her desire for more kids - lots more.

Angelina Jolie Wants Up To 14 Kids (FoxNews.com)

What really gets me rolling my eyes about this story is how Jolie describes her current parenting environment, "Four (kids) is kind of kicking our ass, but we feel kind of like, 'Damn it, we're up for the challenge!'" Angie, you aren't Laura Croft! It was only a movie... Parenting is not raiding some helpless kid's life in a self-absorbed attempt to one day proclaim yourself victorious for surviving the antics of a small tribe of children. Unfortunately, with Hollywood history as our guide, it appears a dozen or more children are in for a lifetime of cameras, confusion, and counseling.

UGH!

Send your UGH-worthy news stories to news@theughreport.com.