Death To Porn Stars!

I am a free speech advocate. I believe in the right to speak your mind without threat of reprisal. I also believe pornography doesn't really create "peace and love" in the world. So, when I ran across this story from Iran I had a mixed reaction. Now, I realize that the Iranians do not live under a democracy, so what I believe is right and what their government believes are two very different things. But, still, my reaction was mixed.

Iran Moves to Execute Porn Stars (CNN.com)

The real "irany" (had to be punny) of this story is that a country which controls, manipulates, and demoralizes women is determined to punish its pornographers (who treat women in very similar fashion). I'm not suggesting that Iran has any intention of ever liberating its women, but it just seems odd that they would go so far as to punish those who effectively treat women in precisely the same manner as they do (possibly minus the sex in some cases). I suppose this shouldn't come as a surprise from a country that dominates its population through fear tactics and brutality. I just wish they had directed their government strength against something more sensible like blocking the import of porn into their country (most of which, unfortunately, comes from the United States).

UGH!

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How Much Are Your Pants Worth?

I am no fashion expert. Just ask my friends (or my wife). I reach blindly into my closet every morning and pull out whatever my hand hits first. Makes for a fun sort of clothing gambling experience. So, when I read this particular article, I had to admit I couldn't possibly have the same level of fashion expertise as the plaintiff in question. He obviously has a better eye for what constitutes some killer pants because I can't think of any better explanation for filing such a lawsuit.

Testimony Resumes in Case of $54 Million Lawsuit Over Lost Pants (FoxNews.com)

Can you say "frivilous lawsuit?" Even if this guy's pants were ripped off his body and he was forced to walk naked out of the cleaners and trek 10 miles home on foot, I can't imagine justifying the millions of dollars he is seeking in "damages."

But I think I know what's going on here. It is the growing effects of "reality" television programming. Yep. That has to be the explanation. Our culture has become so immersed in "reality" TV (which has nothing to do with reality) that we have begun to believe that whatever we can dream up in our fantasies should come true in reality (the real reality, that is). So, if you get screwed at the dry cleaners (ignoring the fact that the cleaners attempted to make things right), then imagine the wildest fantasy scenario you can, and then find a left-wing, fantasy-thinking judge who will actually let you into his courtroom with such frivilous garbage. After that, just wait for the check - which I'm sure could be used to buy some pretty nice pants...

UGH!

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The Paris Hilton "Act"

This week has been rich with fodder for the UGH Report. Thank you, Paris Hilton. You are precisely the agent this blog needs to perpetuate great reading. Some favorite quotes of mine from this precious gem of a girl.

"I used to act dumb." A little too vague for me. Could you clarify, Paris, when the 'act' will officially be given up?

"I...felt as if I was in a cage." Strange how that feeling occurs when you are locked in a jail cell.

"I feel that the purpose of my life is to be where I am." Profundity at its finest.

"I haven't looked in the mirror since I got here." Maybe real changes are occurring.

Here is the full article.

Paris Hilton Says She Will No Longer 'Act Dumb' (MSNBC.com)

I'm not sure if the author of this story intended the title to come across as it does, but I must admit I laughed out loud when I first read it. From this title it seems as if Paris will give up her "act" of dumbness in favor of just being outright dumb on her own merit. No more games - just plain stupidity without the act. I would hope the author didn't intend this, but funny nonetheless.

UGH!

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P.S. I actually do have a heart. In fact, I just said a prayer for Paris. I truly cannot imagine such a life. I hope she does find God. I hope she does grow up. And I hope she gets that moisturizer for her terribly dry skin...

Protecting the 'Rights' of the Guilty

Maybe I'm jaded, cynical, or just downright mean. I seem to have lost my patience when it comes to those convicted of breaking the law trying to use that same law to protect the rights they gave up when they broke it (is this room spinning?). Here is one such case.

Inmates File Suit After Prison Bans Some Religious Books Over Terrorism Fears (FoxNews.com)

I'm not upset that these criminals want to read. I think their desire for reading religious material is a good thing. But doesn't breaking the law (the reason they are in prison) bring with it certain consequences like, say, losing the privileges of a free man? I guess I'm old fashioned. I just assumed that most intelligent, socially advanced people would know that laws are set up to maintain order and civility. When a person shows disdain for those laws and willfully breaks them they are, in essence, relinquishing their "right" to be protected by those laws. That just seems to make sense. But, I digress. I must remember that when entering the world of legalese the role of common sense often gets lost in the fine print.

UGH!

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Is Bad Sauerkraut Really Newsworthy?

I'm all for keeping up with the president, his itinerary, and even his overall health. But couldn't there be some moments that are not completely scrutinized by media? I'm fearful that our obsession with up-to-the-second news will ultimately lead to the 'Presidential Bathroom Cam' with videos posted on YouTube every sixty seconds.

Bush Suffering Stomach Ailment at G-8 Summit (AP)

If I had to take a guess I would say the president, in his attempt to be courteous to German culture, scarfed down some sauerkraut on sausage that turned against him overnight. No big deal (unless you're a conspiracy theorist). So, let the man barf his guts up in private, put a cold cloth on his head, and get well. And next time maybe we can get someone to report on the president that wasn't trained at the MTV School of Journalism.

UGH!

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Weekend UGH's...

Here are some weekend UGH articles for you to browse. No lengthy, insightful comments, just articles that make you go UGH! (I do have a life, you know...can't be spending all my time scouring the globe for ugh-worthy news)

Police Block Boy, 5, from Making 60-Mile Walk (CNN.com)

What is most shocking in this story? A 5-year old having a coach...

'Jackass' Star Sued Over Manhood in Mousetrap (MSNBC.com)

Is there no end to legal "protection" for the truly stupid among us?

UGH!

Have a great weekend...

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I'm In The Wrong Business!

I should be in the logo design business. Maybe then I could enlist my 6-year old to draw a picture in crayon and sell it to the London 2012 Olympic group for $796,000! (No offense, Haley. Your artwork truly is priceless to me...) Of course, there may be one little problem. You see, the logo design apparently causes seizures. Oops.

Unpopular Olympic Logo May Cause Seizures

Did you actually take a look at the logo? Let's be honest. A 6-year old really could have come up with that logo! But because some adult with a graphic design degree scribbled it into a computer program somewhere and spit it out on some high dollar imaging device, it somehow becomes worth over three quarters of a million dollars? Obviously, I should have weighed more carefully my career options when I was in kindergarten.

UGH!

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Bottoms Up for Teen Drinking

With all the advances in food processing technology, I suppose it was only a matter of time before such advances teamed up with the creative minds of young people. What do you get when you mix four 20-year olds, one deadline for a final exam, and a hankering for some brew? You get Booz2Go, a powdered alcohol that can be sold to minors.

All You Need Is Water: Dutch Students Make Alcohol Powder (FoxNews.com)

Is there really anything else that needs to be said? Ok, I'll give it a shot...

Let's see how this might play out. We give minors easier access to a substance they are totally irresponsible to manage. We make it affordable. We make it extremely simple to hide (much easier to hide powder than a can or bottle, right?). And this seems like a good idea? Only good enough that apparently multiple companies are interested in marketing it. Sounds like a beautiful combination...if you are a teen addiction therapist.

UGH!

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Is Fido Angling For Your Job?

Until now, you might have thought that Fido only performed obediently for food or affection. Not so. It appears some top scientists from Europe (is that an oxymoron?) have discovered that dogs might be able to imitate behavior selectively based on the circumstance - a form of reasoning the scientists say has only previously been seen in humans.

Study: Dogs Show Reasoning Previously Only Seen in Humans (FoxNews.com)

Honestly, I'm pretty impressed with this news piece. And I hope it's true. I mean, isn't it about time that the world's mangy mutts started pulling their own weight and pitching in? Maybe now, when my dog perceives that I'm in need of a snack he will fetch me some peanuts without me having to utter a single command. Oh, I hope this story is true!

Is it just me, or does it seem like we go to a lot of trouble (scientifically speaking) to lessen the gap between humans and animals? Why can't we just accept the fact that animals will always be animals? Let the poor dog chase a stick, hump a chair leg, and sniff other dogs to the embarrassment of any human watching. Fido is tired of pushing the scientists' levers. In fact, maybe dogs are actually smarter than humans, so they do a little trick to send the lab geeks into a frenzy, just so they can be let out to chase stick, hump chair, etc.

I do know of one dog in the world who will remain totally unaffected by this report...

Odie

UGH!

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Is Work Killing You?

I am continually amazed at the lengths some people will go to in order to get out of work. Take the following story from the Associated Press, for example.

Japanese Cop Stabbed Self to Avoid Work

Yes, you read that headline correctly. He stabbed himself just to get some time off because he felt he was being overworked.

Let's hop on this fella's logic train for a moment. Work is stressful. Too many hours. Searches his mind for solution to dilemma. Comes to the brilliant conclusion that it is best for him to STAB himself in order to get the time off he wants. Ok, to give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he was sweet on a girl at the hospital and couldn't think of any other way to ask her out. There are chronically shy guys out there.

I sure hope the police department didn't suspend his health benefits...

UGH!

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